Hi followers! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I haven’t relapsed, I’ve just been busy getting my life back!
Suboxone is still working! I’m down from three strips a day, to two strips a day, and my appointments are every two weeks now instead of every week! Progress is being made!
The picture pretty much explains all. I was pretty high in the left one and I’m very sober in the right one! I do smoke pot occasionally, and that’s ok! I’m not smoking it to get high or escape reality. I smoke it to relax this super tense body of mine! It also helps when my back is hurting.
I love the way sober feels. I can feel my emotions again and my senses have woken back up. Opiates helped me escape the grief of losing my boys and other trauma I’ve experienced. It’s great for escaping those hard emotions.
Sure it was hard feeling those feelings again, but I’m glad I have. I’m now ready to fight those jerks for my boys! What they have done is so wrong and didn’t just hurt me, but my boys too. How can someone just rip the kids away from their mother? I wasn’t abusing or neglecting them. I was neglecting and abusing myself.
I’ve grieved and still cry and think about them every day, sometimes all day long. My therapist has really helped me through this process. She helped by telling me what I was feeling. I have such a hard time with feelings. As I was growing up, all I knew was happy. Be a good little girl. Suck up those tears! Don’t be angry.
Guess what? It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to feel whatever comes along! Enough about that 😊!
It’s almost time to start working, and I’m excited about it. That’s a first for me. I’ve always just worked for the money, and not because I wanted to contribute to society. I think for now I would like to work in a grocery store as a checker. The hours are flexible, as I need them to be right now, and the money would be nice.
I did something that was kind of a big deal for me. My niece decided to do a project on depression, and asked me to be a guest speaker. I’m really shy! I’ve always dreaded talking in front of large crowds, or small ones. I don’t like the attention to be on me. I did it though! Without even hesitating I said I would do it. Nobody made fun of me or laughed or anything that I would have imagined if I would’ve been the old Mary. It felt good to tell a version of my story. It’s kind of an important one too!
So, the moral of this little story is anyone can get help and become a part of society again. Everything is falling into place for me because I have taken the steps that I needed to. Not the steps that other people wanted me to take, but the steps I needed to take.
Anything is possible if you put your mind to it!