Posted in Addiction, family, Health, Mental Health, opiate addiction, Sobriety, Trauma Therapy Adventure, treatment, Updates

Six Months and Six Days!

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6 Months clean!

I can’t believe it’s been six months already! I’m so thankful for Suboxone and Ideal Options/Ideal Balance. They really are my heroes! They are my cheerleaders in a world of haters.

About seven months ago, I was using, and at the beginning of the month it was to get as high as I could. Towards the end of the month, when I was having to rely on other people to give me drugs, it was so I could feel “normal.” I didn’t know what to do.

I knew I had to tell someone, but who? People are so damn judgemental! I thought about it for a few days. A few very hard days. I finally came to the conclusion I should talk to my counselor about my problem with drugs. I mean, I should’ve already told her so she could do the right treatment for me.

By the time I told her, I was already detoxing. I had always thought that if I made it past four days, I was in the clear. I didn’t know anything about PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, a.k.a. bitch. These things can last the rest of your life. I wasn’t just coming off of one drug, but three. It wasn’t fun, but I’m still kicking.

The only thing I’ve really noticed is my memory is still bad. It’s getting better, but nowhere like I used to be. When you do drugs, or at least opiates, you make new channels in your brain. Instead of just going from one receptor to another, the opiates go straight to your pleasure receptors. It bypasses everything else.

When you are recovering from drug use, it’s like you’re starting all over. Not just inn every day life, but you’re making your brain healthy again. Your brain is learning how to pleasure yourself without those drugs. How to appreciate the little things.

Recovery isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it. I feel so much better than I did six months ago, or for the past seven YEARS. I don’t just look healthy, I am healthy again. My brain is getting back to a healthy brain and I might just not get dementia!

If you’re struggling with addiction, reach out. There are non judgemental people who care about you and want the best for you. You really need to do it for yourself though.

Family members of addicts, ultimatums may seem like the way to go, but what really helps is being supportive and non judgemental. There is a root cause for an addict to become addicted to drugs. Let your addict know you’re there for them, as well as others.

And as always, send me a message on Facebook, Twitter, or comment here if you need help. I will support you through this journey.

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Posted in Addiction, family, Health, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, opiate addiction, Sobriety, Trauma Therapy Adventure, treatment

5 Months and 2 Weeks

Hi followers! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I haven’t relapsed, I’ve just been busy getting my life back!

Suboxone is still working! I’m down from three strips a day, to two strips a day, and my appointments are every two weeks now instead of every week! Progress is being made!

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The picture pretty much explains all. I was pretty high in the left one and I’m very sober in the right one! I do smoke pot occasionally, and that’s ok! I’m not smoking it to get high or escape reality. I smoke it to relax this super tense body of mine! It also helps when my back is hurting.

I love the way sober feels. I can feel my emotions again and my senses have woken back up. Opiates helped me escape the grief of losing my boys and other trauma I’ve experienced. It’s great for escaping those hard emotions.

Sure it was hard feeling those feelings again, but I’m glad I have. I’m now ready to fight those jerks for my boys! What they have done is so wrong and didn’t just hurt me, but my boys too. How can someone just rip the kids away from their mother? I wasn’t abusing or neglecting them. I was neglecting and abusing myself.

I’ve grieved and still cry and think about them every day, sometimes all day long. My therapist has really helped me through this process. She helped by telling me what I was feeling. I have such a hard time with feelings. As I was growing up, all I knew was happy. Be a good little girl. Suck up those tears! Don’t be angry.

Guess what? It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to feel whatever comes along! Enough about that 😊!

It’s almost time to start working, and I’m excited about it. That’s a first for me. I’ve always just worked for the money, and not because I wanted to contribute to society. I think for now I would like to work in a grocery store as a checker. The hours are flexible, as I need them to be right now, and the money would be nice.

I did something that was kind of a big deal for me. My niece decided to do a project on depression, and asked me to be a guest speaker. I’m really shy! I’ve always dreaded talking in front of large crowds, or small ones. I don’t like the attention to be on me. I did it though! Without even hesitating I said I would do it. Nobody made fun of me or laughed or anything that I would have imagined if I would’ve been the old Mary. It felt good to tell a version of my story. It’s kind of an important one too!

So, the moral of this little story is anyone can get help and become a part of society again. Everything is falling into place for me because I have taken the steps that I needed to. Not the steps that other people wanted me to take, but the steps I needed to take.

Anything is possible if you put your mind to it!

Posted in Animals, Marley

The Terror of Tiny Town is sick.

Poor little guy. We woke up from a nap today and he was dead. He was still breathing, but was very floppy and out of it. His mouth was all wet.

Luckily Jeff had come home for a second, saw him and we sped off to the vet. Their Dr had already left so they sent us to the emergency vet clinic.

They wanted $400 just to look at him. Well we are poor and only have 1 major income coming in plus a little from me. Jeff had gotten paid today but had paid all the bills, so we didn’t have $400. We tried a few things and finally just agreed to take him home tonight.

On the way home he started moving a little and making noises. He’s been moving all over the place like he’s drunk. He’s finally laying on my chest with his warmie and Blankie.

Please put us in your thoughts, prayers, whatever it is you do. I don’t want to lose my little man.

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I will update daily.  Thank you everyone!