Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, Arts and Crafts, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

This is Day Three, and Day Two, and Day Four.

Silly me missed all of these days again! It wasn’t completely my fault. I didn’t have Internet access for like three days! can you believe it?! I tried to “borrow” the neighbor’s Internet connection, but all of them were password protected. I tried to get A to ask his neighbor for his password, but he didnt want to.

So, three days later, here I am, on WordPress, trying to remember what made me happy. The first thing I’m going to put down is my happiness that I have FINALLY found and am being treated by the, in my opinion, best Dr. around. He has my meds right and I know this because I feel pretty stable. Maybe a little agressive at times, but dammit, quit pissing me off!

I am also happy that I have a vast supply of art materials. Probably enough to keep me busy for a few weeks. I discovered this awesome artist on YouTube that does tutorials on how to draw pin up girls and old school stuff like that. I have done one of the tutorials, which I will post about later, but I CANNOT wait to do more!

Today I’m happy because I have officially quit smoking (yay me!), and am now only Vaping. I have been using a Vaporizer for about three months now. I would still smoke cigarettes sometimes. I finally bought an expensive one with flavored oils to use in it, and I haven’t smoked any cigarettes since! Before, I had tried all of the over the counter stop smoking aids, but they NEVER worked. This vapor deal is pretty awesome! I can even feel a difference in my breathing and my taste buds. Gatorade has never tasted so good!

Ok, so there’s my three days of happiness. I will do today’s when the day is over, granted I still have Internet access.

Have A Great Day Everyone! thank you for stopping by and liking, commenting, and even following my blog! I know I’m boring, SO it means a lot to me!

Peace out

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Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, love, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

Shit! Day 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, AND 13!

Yeah, I forgot. There’s a lot been going on, but I’ll write another post about that chapter of my life ending….. thankfully!
So for day 7 I was happy to be able to spend time with someone whose so attentive, nurturing, and caring. That’s what love is all about!
Day 8 I was happy that I got to sleep in for a while, ok all day.
Day 9 I was happy because I stood up for myself and didn’t break and go back to that miserable life!
Day 10 I was happy to spend some quality time with friends.
Day 11 I was a little sad, but I was happy for the past week.
Day 12 I was more sad, but I found happiness in cuddling up with my baby boy’s blanket. Smelling his smells that have become so unfamiliar 😥
And day 13! I am happy that I have completed everything on my list! Yay me!
I’m going to get back into the daily thing now! See ya tomorrow!

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Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

Day 4 and 5 of Being Happy!

once again I forgot to do yesterday’s post! I need to put this on my “to-do” list.
Yesterday, day 4, I was happy that I have a car that can go on road trips even though it’s a 2002 and has almost 160,000 miles on it. It still goes like a champ!
Today, day 5, I am happy that I get to share my life with the people e love. I’m also happy there is medicine for my Little man that keeps his fever down.
Have a great day!

Posted in family, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

7 Years Ago At This Time….

7 years ago at this time, I was anxious as can be. I was scheduled to have my youngest noodle at 6am the next morning. My bag was packed, but I knew I was forgetting something. I couldn’t eat, nor was I supposed to. I just couldn’t wait for this baby! It was a horrible pregnancy. We had moved from my own duplex into a house that would fit all 4 noodles and us adults. It was a very nice house. We had a chalk board wall, and a magnetic wall. 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a nice sized laundry room, a family room, and a formal living room, along with a kitchen and an awesome three sided fireplace. Oh and a 2 car garage. At the time it was an awesome price for a rental. The people that were renting it out were a doctor and a dentist and the wife was pregnant. They had a son too. They thought they didn’t have enough room, so they moved into a bigger house. Silly people. So, Brady and Dakota shared a room, and Randi had her own room that she eventually shared with the new noodle, Colton. If my asshole ex hadn’t smashed my computer I would’ve had a picture of us when we were on our way to the hospital. Both of us were so happy and excited that we couldn’t sleep the whole night. We tried. We really did, but you know how it is. It was like the night before Christmas, or the night before the first day of school. So at about 5:30am on the 28th of December, we decided to just go on ahead and go into the hospital. They broke my water at 9:00am and gave me pitocin. The labor wasn’t going very fast.

The contractions were getting stronger so I asked for the epidural. My doctor had told me that as soon as I wanted it I could have it because it didn’t work when I had Dakota, my middle noodle. When I asked for it, the nurse said, “Aren’t you sure you don’t want to try the exercise ball first?” That nurse just about got a fist in her face :). You don’t ask someone whose about to have a baby if they want to go roll around on a big ball!

The anesthesiologist came in and had to try twice to get the epidural in. The first time all I felt was a shooting pain through my neck, head, and hands. It was the worst feeling of all time. The second time he got it in fine, but by that time I had already dilated to 7cm and the epidural didn’t work. Just like with middle Noodle it wouldn’t work 😦 My right leg was numb, once again, but that was it. Finally it came time to push and out came my beautiful baby boy, Colton. He was immediately given to me and I cried. It doesn’t matter how many babies you have. Meeting that little bean for the first time after carrying them for nine months is an unexplainable feeling.

He cried, and he was passed around from person to person. He was beautiful. Still is if you ask me 😉 So, tomorrow he turns 7. I won’t be able to see him, but after the new I received today, we’re going to have the party of the century soon! I will write another post about that.

I love this little boy with all of my heart, just as I do the rest of the kids. I have done so much for this little boy. When he turned one, he turned into a holy terror. He was developmentally delayed, and couldn’t talk. He was so angry that he would hit his head and bite himself and everything you could think of. I took him to two appointments a week. One for his speech therapy, and one for his anger. That was from the time he was one until he turned three. When he turned three he went to school.

He loved school, kind of. He would’ve rather sat at home and watched Spongebob, but for the most part he loved his teachers. I think he had a little crush on one of his teachers. They helped him so much. By the time it was time to start kindergarten, he was completely caught up and on schedule. They had to find a reason to keep him in the program for the last part of the year. Their reason was to teach him to tie his shoes 🙂 Funny stuff.

Anyways, I hope some day you will read this my little noodle. I love you so, so, so, much, and I can’t wait for you to get home. It’s going to be the best day of our lives.

Posted in Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

This Is For Me

So don’t go getting a big ego. I’m doing everything I’m doing for myself. You think you’re so smart and know exactly what’s going to happen because SHE did that to you. I’M NOT HER! I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here and listen to you tell me how my life is going to turn out just because that’s how HER life is! And what makes you so God damned perfect?  Who gives you the right to judge me? What are you doing with your life? What have you done with it? The future I see for us is what I see. You’ve never told me any of your dreams or what you want. What do you want? You expect me to sit here and listen to you because you’re an alcoholic and you were with a junkie girlfriend so you must know everything! I cheated on my boyfriend or better yet, my best friend, to be with you. I guess you’re right. It’s all just my dreams and fantasies. It’s not real.
This is the last prescription I’m getting. I have one job and am actively seeking another so I can have my own place with my children. My paychecks will be put towards rent, electricity, insurance, wsg, my children’s savings accounts, and food to put on the table. This isn’t my first Rodeo. I’ve lived on my own before, when I was 21 until I was 26. With 2 kids. By MYSELF! I wasn’t 40 years old before I moved out on my own. I haven’t lived 20 years of my life being a freeloader. Quit treating me like I don’t know what I’m doing! Quit treating me like I’m stupid! Listen to what I have to say and you’ll see in not HER! I’m not an irresponsible 20 something year old with six kids and no teeth! It’s too bad she ruined you. We had something good. But you’re so closed minded, ignorant, and just plain egotistical that you’re blind. And now you try to ridicule me. Make fun of me. That really makes me feel a lot better. Well, even a month from now you’re going to see a whole new person, and maybe this person won’t want to put up with your closed mind anymore. You’re not the only fish in the sea and I will realize that. If I didn’t, I’d be just as closed minded as you.

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Posted in Miscellaneous

Imma Slacker

I’ve totally been slacking on the NaBloPoMo and I feel horrible!!!! So, today I’m going to write at least two. This one is going to be an update on my wacky life, and the other one will be a prompt, because I think I liked the prompt for once. If it’s one I don’t like, I will just choose from a different list I have.

So, today was my first day at Michael’s! Yay! I work at a craft store!!! I had to be there yesterday at 10am for the interview, and I knew the girl that interviewed me! We went to Junior High together, and she remembered me. I felt flattered considering I didn’t remember her at first. She went by a different name in school. Anyways, so she did the background check yesterday and then told me to come in at 10am today! I did all the new hire stuff and started on the training. I forgot my glasses at the bf’s apartment, so it was a little difficult reading all the stuff. My head hurt by the time three hours had gone by.

I work again next Wednesday from 1pm to 5pm, and then I don’t know when again. I hope I work on Thanksgiving. It’s double time and a half, or some crazy stuff like that. I am a little tired right now! I got off work at 1pm and then came home to change into my interview outfit. Why you ask? Well I had an interview too! I have this little plan. I’m going to work myself to death, just so I can live comfortably and be able to provide for myself and my children, comfortably. So, Michaels is going to be my part-time, evenings and weekends job.

My interview went excellent. I scored higher than average on all of the testing, but of course I would!! I did score a little low in the 10 key, so I need to practice a bit and retake the test. Of course all of the jobs that are available right now you have to have faster 10 key than I did  😦

I have so much to do right now, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed! I’m kinda glad I don’t have to work until next week, but it would be nice to have more than seven hours on my first paycheck. I might just spend it all there! It wouldn’t be hard to do! Actually I think I’m going to get my hair done first thing. My poor, poor hair 😦 It’s been neglected for far too long. It’s tri-colored right now. I hate it! It’s that ugly color that brunettes get from going lighter. That ugly auburn color. Yuck. I think I will just dye it all black. A black that looks a little purple too. That should be good. And I think I’m going to go back to bangs again too.

The CPS lady came out today, but she didn’t come in. I don’t know what she wanted, but I have a hunch. I’m glad I’ve been taking pictures of when I feed the boys. Now I have proof! My case has been closed, so there’s no reason she should be out here. I don’t wanna write about that evil witch, so I’m going to end this on a good note….

I finally have a job!!!! I didn’t tell anyone about it either! Only the most important people in my life, and then not even all of them. I didn’t tell my dad, just because my mind is so scattered and I forgot. That’s the only reason I didn’t tell people, and I have a little superstition. If I tell a lot of people that I might have gotten a job, then I end up not getting it. If I don’t say anything, then I end up getting it! It works!

Ok, I’m off to write a post about something. Maybe just a story. I don’t think I’ve written just a story yet. Logo

Posted in Miscellaneous

What Do You See?

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What is your first impression of this picture? We’re happy? Love each other? Are having a great day? Well, those are all for the most part true. Here’s my story…..

What you probably don’t see is the hurt in both of our eyes. We have been seeing each other for around a year, and this whole year I have been with another man. The other man has known about this secret one, but thought it was purely platonic. I feel horrible, but no matter what I do or did I ALWAYS ended up going back to him.

This man is the complete opposite of what I’ve always looked for. He’s the first interracial relationship I have been in. He has taught me SO much, and I just feel so happy around him. It’s not all peaches and cream though! For one, I know he will never trust me, or it will take a lot of time to prove to him that I only want him. He thinks I talk to other guys, and just tonight we had an argument about it which ended with him telling me to, “Suck dick!”

It hurts. I’ve been dragging him along for the past year, not sure if what I was going to do. I didn’t feel ready to go back to work yet, and I had no way of getting a place to live in without working. Thankfully that had been overcome and I’m waiting for a job with arms wide open.

In the beginning of our relationship he was crazy about us. Thought the same way I did as far as things happening for a reason and that we were meant to be together. Then slowly I ruined it. I would tell him I was going to come over, and then not even talk to him for a week to a month. I KNOW how that feels! It feels absolutely horrible!

Why did I do that? Sometimes it was because I slept in and knew he’d be mad at me so I just chose the ignore him. Then he would text me every day that he loved me and missed me.

Pretty soon there were no more texts every day telling me he loved me. He’d had enough. I had played with his emotions too much. It was now me texting him, telling him I loved him and couldn’t live without him. He’d tell me to come over, we’d have make up sex. He’d whisper in my ear to “never leave him.”

What I want more than anything is for my future to involve him. I can see what it would be like and I WANT IT! I wrote him a couple letters in the beginning about why I loved him. It was the God’s honest truth and still is, except now I think there are more reasons.

I’ve never felt this way about someone for this long. He’s been treating me pretty bad lately, mixed with those good times. Just enough good times to keep me coming back. Tonight he’s mad at me because I took a nap and didn’t text him right back. I’ve given him plenty of chances to look at my phone and Facebook and he won’t. I’ve never allowed anyone to look at those things.

I’ve compromised a lot in this relationship and he just expects me to change things over night. He doesn’t understand that I’ve been working the past 7ish years at a daycare. My medical background is non existent according to medical offices, even though I haven’t forgotten a thing. It’s very frustrating. So many jobs require now that you’re bilingual in English/Spanish. That’s the one thing keeping me from getting a lot of jobs.

I’m not going to ask for advice. My gut keeps telling me to go back, that we aren’t through yet. Everyone will say, “leave him! He’s mean to you!” I’m tough. I can handle it. He’s insecure and maybe my job is to make him feel more secure. I’m done hurting him, but for God’s sake, can’t a girl take a nap?!

I miss my lollipop. Just remember that just because a couple seems to look happy, you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. You don’t know what happens day to day.

I love you baby, and I’m going to keep on praying that things will get better and stay better. I’m going to pray for you to overcome the hurt I have caused just as I overcome the hurt you cause me. I don’t expect you to forget, but do forgive and move on so we can have our future together. In seven minutes it will be 11:11pm. He used to always text me that he loved me a at that time. I want it back. I want to repair the mess I have created and I’m going to!
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I’m in love with a Hispanic.