Today was group day. There were six of us. I really enjoy group. I’ve made a couple of friends but they are having a hard time staying clean. Their significant others are still addicts not wanting to go to treatment. If you’re a recovering addict you know how hard it is to be around drugs, even if they don’t do it around you.
I had a UA yesterday and saw one of the PA’s (Physician Assistant). A PA is just like a doctor, besides they can’t prescribe narcotics. There are 2 two doctors there to sign the scripts.
Back to group, today we talked about the difference between relapse and lapse. I need to go back to last week. I saw the Dr last Thursday. The assistant told me not to do any opiates after 10am Wednesday. So, in my addict head I thought that meant go ahead and take some pills kinda like a good bye.
I took two 10mg oxycodone. It had been around three weeks since I took the last 80mg oxycontin. Those two oxy’s did get me a little high. I wanted more after they stopped working, but I didn’t take any because I knew I had to be in withdrawals to be put on suboxone.
In group today, the lady that runs our group told us the difference between a relapse and a lapse. I was counting the days from last Wednesday as my sober day. What I did was just a lapse. If I would’ve taken more opiates after the two that I took, and if I got back into the addiction full force, then I would have relapsed. A lapse is if you do drugs one time and don’t get back into the addiction.
I hope that makes sense. I’m not very good at describing things 😕 So because I lapsed and didn’t relapse I get to move my sober day to the original one, which is September 21st, 2015! I’m four weeks and eight days sober from opiates! This is the longest I’ve gone without oxy’s or Vicodin or any other opiates in seven and a half YEARS. I’m pretty proud of myself. I know some people say you’re not sober until you’re off the suboxone but this is my recovery and my life. If you can’t support me in this recovery, then don’t let the door hit you on your ass on the way out of my life!
I feel so good. I haven’t felt this great in as long as I can remember! I’m told this is the “honeymoon” part of treatment. After around four weeks it should level out and I should mellow out a bit.
I’m so happy I had the guts to do this! Going to treatment was probably the second best thing I have done in my life. The first was deciding to raise my kids and not having abortions or giving them up for adoption.
Well, I think I’m done with this post. Here’s a little mandala that I drew the other day. Have a great day or afternoon or night!
Someone once said not to publish all your art work out there for everyone to see, but why not? If you’re proud of it, show it off! Hell that might be the only way you’ll ever sell any!
Anyways, here is one of my projects for the February swap in a Facebook group. It’s supposed to be a 4x6in doodle or whatever but has to have a heart in it. Well mine is 7x10in, and they’re just gonna have to deal with it! Aren’t artists supposed to break the rules? Here’s the rough draft of it. It will change drastically!
I think I’ll make the heart fatter. I like fat hearts 🙂
Well, it’s been a day and I’ve completely redone it. Here’s the new heart!
I used my Derwent watercolor pencils for the pink around the heart, and red and purple for inside the heart. The lock I used a cool gray for, and the black is going to be with a Sharpie. I don’t want to waste my pens on it.
Here it is with all of the heart colors painted. I’ve been watching Raising Hope the whole time and talking to people on Facebook. I think I’m just going to turn some music on now and finish!
Violá! All finished. I used a Sharpie for the black in the heart, and a Micron 01 for the writing. Derwent watercolor pencils for the color, and all on mixed media paper! One down, two to go!
About a week or so so I asked for suggestions on what I should draw next. I had a Pheonix bird on fire and jellyfish! Here’s the Phoenix bird, which was tricky to color in. Well Coloring it in was fine, but adding water was tricky! If you’ve read my Christmas list you’ll see I’m wanting a water color paint brush pen thing. It’ll be a lot easier to add water in those tiny spots! This was like the third painting I had done.
And here’s one that a friend said looked like a bird farting!
And here is the beginning of the jellyfish! This is the third time I’ve started, and the past two times I started I ended up falling asleep while drawing, and that makes it so messy. This time I’ve stayed awake the entire time and I’m not going to sleep until it is finished!
They just keep getting better and better, but I’m thinking they’re as good as they’re going to get 🙂 I will post an update as soon as I’m finished! It will be before Christmas, but that’s all I know! Love you all!
Ok, so third time wasn’t s charm for the jellyfish, but I think four will be! It was so hard getting my pens to write on top of the watercolor pencils. So I decided to just draw it all up and then color it in. If that doesn’t work, then I’m sorry but no jellyfish. It’ll be time to move on 🙂
Day two of my little psychological game! I really do hope, deep down inside, that someone buys me something for Christmas! Even if it’s just one pen from this list 🙂 Ok, here’s the continuation, with Day Number Two!
Ok, so a 72 piece Watercolor pencil set made by Derwent! I’m putting specific things here, so don’t get me something else please 🙂 This is in a wooden box, but I’ll take the tin one. They just didn’t have anymore on Blick.
The second thing is a lovely water color pencil that I’m more excited about than I am the spendy pencils! I can’t wait to get right down in there with the color! For now, I’m relying on a Q-Tip for the small spaces. They actually don’t work too bad!
The third thing is just the balance from my cart at Blick. You can just give me your card # and I’ll make sure to put it to good use ;).
The forth thing is a class on either how to paint or draw. You pick, cause I need both! I know composition, and lighting and the basics, but it looks like I still need some bare bottom basics too!
So, that’s day 2 of my Christmas Countdown!
I sure think it would be an awesome idea to just use all this on my trip to Bora Bora! Have a great day 🙂
I am going to pick 10 little things to say about myself. I probably should have done this when I first started the blog, but that’s ok. I’m sure someone out there will be curious about me! Here we go!
1. “I love to draw” Now I’m sure you all know this or at least kinda figured that out, but did you know that I just started utilizing my drawing talents in February of this year?I have always wanted to be an artist. My first memories are of me telling someone that I wanted to be an Artists, a Dr., a teacher, and a mommy when I grew up and I wanted twins. A boy named Scott and a girl named Lisa. In February I somehow found Zentangle which has brought out the artist in me, and I’m so glad. I’ve just recently started to draw things that actually look like something. Like this wolf! Can you tell it’s a wolf, howling at the moon?
2. “I have ADHD and the only thing I can concentrate on, without the help of meds, is taking photographs.” Pretty much sums it up! I love getting down with the macro lens on, and getting the butt of a bee that is all yellow from the pollen. Photography used to calm me down. I was able to be mindful. Be in the moment. It was nice. Now all I have is my phone camera, and I shake so badly it’s really kind of hard to take pictures. I would love to have another DSLR with the macro and the telephoto lenses. Those two were my favorites.
3. “My best friend and I have been best friends for all but six years of our lives!” I remember the day we met. We were in first grade, Miss. (Mean) Turner. We were standing in line for lunch I think, and somehow or another we decided we were best friends! She’d be able to tell you exactly what happened, because she’s cool like that. We did go for a period of nine years without really talking because she was in a horrible relationship. I’m so glad she made it out alive, and I’m so regretful that I didn’t try harder to get her out of there sooner. She’s closer than a sister and I failed her! Well, looks like I have some more to talk to my therapist about! Love you Heidi!
Oh boy this is going to be hard…. I don’t know 20 amazing facts about myself!
4. “When I was little, I was afraid of the weather.” It didn’t matter if it was sunny, windy, raining, snowing. I was afraid of it! I watched the weather man, Stu Siebol, like a hawk! Fall time scared me because it would get so windy I thought the trees were going to crash down on our house, or our house was going to get picked up off the ground. We went to Idaho once, and I thought we were in Ohio so I freaked out thinking we were going to have a tornado. I mean really freaked out. We were in Montana once and there was a really bad thunderstorm. We were in a house that was up on a hill. Well, you could hear and feel the lightening hitting the ground around us! I had good reasons to be afraid of the weather! I would hide under the bed. I was actually still afraid of thunderstorms up until I was 16! Oh and being up in the mountains while it was windy or thundering and lightening was the worst too! I always just knew those huge trees were going to come down on us!
5. “I sucked my thumb and rubbed the satin edges of my blanket, until I was in 6th grade.” And the only reason I stopped was because we had to go to stupid Camp Cispus! I don’t know how to spell that camp, but I hated it. I was homesick and tried to get my mom to come get me every day. It was way up by Mt. St. Helens, so she wouldn’t 😦 I made it though! And, I quit sucking my thumb! My grandparents tried everything to get me to stop. They put yucky tasting stuff on my thumb, put band aids on it, all sorts of different things. And I had my one favorite blanket. It was ugly brown but oh so thin and soft and had my favorite satin edges. I still rub the satin edges at 32 years old, but not of my favorite blankie. It was passed down to Brady who loved it so much he put holes in it. All the satin had come off. It was retired to the dump 😥 I did buy a new soft, satiny edges blankie though. It was a whopping $75, but worth every penny!
6. “I’m really superstitious, I just don’t let it be known.” A black cat ran in front of my car yesterday when I was dropping Alonzo off at his house. All I could think of was that I needed to get home and get in my chair where I was safe! I won’t write in journals because every time I write something good, something bad will happen and vice versa. It’s pretty horrible to be superstitious, but I’m telling ya. The shit is real! All those wives’ tales about being pregnant were true too. My boys all had slower heart beats, carried them all low, everything that went along with them being boys. Don’t EVER open an umbrella in the house if I’m present please 🙂 Thank you!
7. “One of the things that I hate the most is when people scare me on purpose.” I had an ex boyfriend that was a neat freak. I would always come home from work and just take my shoes off wherever I was. Well, he didn’t like that. He wanted them in the closet. So, his way of training me was to scare me! I would walk in the door and he’d be standing behind it when I closed it! That would scare the shit out of me! I hated him for that, but I did learn to put my shoes in the closet, and it didn’t take long 😉
8. “I love scary movies, but I don’t watch even a quarter of them because I’m hiding my face the whole time.” It took me five times before I actually watched the movie Saw. I had wanted it so bad and my boyfriend at the time bought it for me for Valentines’ Day. Wasn’t that nice of him? Anyways, I pick some real winners. So I hide my face throughout almost the whole movie because the anxiety just kills me. I want to watch it really bad, but I just can’t! Two more…. Think I can do it? I dunno! This should have been five amazing things about me! I’m starting to get tired!
9. “I was so depressed about turning 30 that I changed my birthday so I didn’t have to hear “Happy Birthday!”” I had never thought about turning 30 before. I had always thought about my life when I was in my twenties, but never past 29. Every birthday since 30 has been horrible. I’d rather not celebrate anymore. I like to celebrate other people’s birthdays, and give other people presents, but I don’t like my own! I don’t think I was supposed to live past 30 but for some stupid reason I did!
10!!!! “I leave the radio or tv on for my plants to listen to when I’m gone.” Yes, I know I’m weird. I know they were supposed to be amazing facts, but I really can’t think of anything amazing right now! My plants are pretty amazing. I used to have a lot and would take them out during the day, in the summer, and wash the dust off of them. I treated my plants better than I treated myself! They would get the good soil with Miracle Grow Moisture Control, just in case I forgot to water them. Now I have three plants. When I went into my depression I kinda gave up on them all. My plants are all in vases full of water right now. They were starts off of different plants, and I haven’t gotten around to planting them yet. I will once I move though! Gotta have some company ya know?
Well, I hope you enjoyed my kwirkinesses. That’s not even a word, but you know what I mean 🙂 I think it’s time for a few Ibuprofen’s and a little nappy nap. I hope you all have a wonderful day! I get to see my Heidi today! Yippeeee!!!!
I accidentally missed yesterday’s prompt, but actually I did it the other day because I thought it was the 5th when it was really the 4th. So what should I do? I think I’ll just do the one for the 6th, maybe. Depends on if I like it 😉
Do I consider myself a professional blogger….. That’ll be easy 🙂 Negative. No. Nope. Not at all. I do this for me mostly because I’m selfish that way. I think to be a professional blogger you have to have more than the wee amount of followers that I do, more comments that I get, and maybe even get paid in some way? If ya’ll want to start paying me, you’re more than welcome to! I would think I would need to have a domain without WordPress in it.
Thank you to everyone that does follow me, and read my crazy thoughts and ideas. I haven’t written about many ideas lately, but I sure do have a whole bunch saved on my phone. I just need to learn how to use power tools and then I can start posting them! I don’t think I’m strong enough for regular tools.
Thank you to everyone that “likes” my posts, for I know they aren’t that interesting. They’re just ramblings of my life which is really boring! I’ve been applying for jobs, so hopefully soon I’ll have a whole new section on the rumors that are going around at work. That would be interesting. I’m also going to be moving after I get that high paying job, so maybe I’ll do a “House Make-Over” section! That’s not totally played out yet. Hey look at me and all my prettiness while you real people have messy houses!
So, since I like to talk about my boring life, I had a not so boring thing just happen. My 16 year old Noodle came home with an attitude and won’t tell me what’s wrong. That’s not like him. He always tells me. I know he hasn’t been taking his medication for depression like he’s supposed to, so maybe that’s it. I sure hope not. He was doing so well. Maybe it’s because he knows about the break up between the bf and me, which I specifically asked for him not to be brought into it. Maybe it’s the weather! That’s been my reason for everything lately. He’s gonna be really mad when he find out I’m leaving after I post this and take a shower. Uh oh. I’ll ask him to go with me. He’ll say no, but at least I asked. I don’t like it when my noodles are sad 😦
I’ve been drawing all day. I’d post it, but I’m not comfortable with it yet. Maybe some day I’ll post a real drawing and not just a Tangle. Tangles are fun though. Everyone sees different things. It’s great! Kind of like looking at clouds and trying to decide if they look like a dog or a heart. I can put one of those on here I suppose. It’s a Duo Tangle. Only two tangles were used and the string is a heart. So, not so much trying to figure out what it is I drew. Sorry guys! Maybe tonight I’ll draw a weird looking one ya’ll can trip out on.
Well, that’s about it for today. The answer to your prompt is no, I’m not a professional blogger, and yes I have a long ways to go to become one. Love you!
Well, I have been doing a lot of drawing/doodling the past few weeks. I haven’t posted anything because I read somewhere that you shouldn’t post all of your work. Now that I think about it, that’s kinda silly. You should post everything you’re proud of! Well, I’m usually not proud of much that I do. Why? Well, I think just like most artists, that I could have done better. Here are just a couple of actual drawings I have completed in the past couple days. These aren’t Zentangle! I have jumped out of my comfort zone. I did receive two new Zentangle books yesterday! I can’t wait to try them out!
OK, here is the first drawing I did.
This one is called Daisies For Heidi. Heidi is my bff! We’ve been friends since we were six years old!
So there is lnktober Numero Dos! I will post more on a different day! Have a Wonderful Friday!
Good morning loveys. Today is October 6th and I just heard about it being “Inktober.” Create with ink! That’s so easy for me! So, here’s the first one of the month. You’re supposed to create one a day or five a month, or something like that. I’m going to do as many as I can in a month, instead of doing one daily. I’m not very fast.
Here is my little flower when I first started. I used a black Copic Multiliner A-2 set. These are Like the Multiliner SP except they are disposable. So, they’re comparable to the black Microns. I like these better than the Microns though. In my opinion they’re a lot darker and stay on the page better with the watercolors.
I didn’t plan this. I just started drawing that this is what happened. I’m not too upset about it! So after drawing lines and circles I decided to add a little color. I used an orange Micron, green Micron, pink Sharpie, and a yellow Sharpie. The yellow Sharpie over the pink Sharpie made it look orange but I added more orange with the Micron. Fun stuff!
The next step was to add color to the background, so I used my General Kimberley’s water color pencils. I love these things! I don’t really like the look of colored pencils, and I don’t like the way they feel when you’re using them. The General’s are pretty smooth feeling though! I definitely want to get some more colors!
I used three different colors of blue to get the background look and a little water on a paintbrush. This is the fun part!
I still thought it needed more, so I started adding more circles, bigger than the ones on the plant. You can’t really see the ones on the plant unless you enlarge the picture. The last part was shading, and this is the end result! I do like this one 🙂 I think I’m only going to get better as I do each one of my “Inktober” projects. Maybe I’ll frame them and hang them in the hall. I’ve never framed anything I have drawn before.
That’s it for my first “Inktober” project. Now on to make the second…..
Thanks for stopping by!
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