Posted in A Post A Week, Elephant Journal, love, NaBloPoMo

How To Love A Cancer, (Me)

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Here is another perfect article from the Elephant Journal. If you haven’t checked out the site yet, do it NOW! To read without having to pay, you only get to read three articles a day. So choose wisely or write down the ones you really want to read, so you can read it after midnight.

So many of the articles fit me to a T. I think once I start working I will get the full subscription. Anyways, if you would rather read this article on the Elephant Journal website, just click on the following title! Happy reading!

How To Love A Cancer
written by Betsy Butterick

“A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.” ~ Rumi

I couldn’t find an article on how to love me, so I figured it probably best to write one. Here goes nothing (which hopefully explains everything).

To love a Cancer—truly, madly, deeply—takes the vulnerability to discover what it means to be loved whole-heartedly.

In her desire to nurture and give all that she has to improve the world she lives in, she will exhaust herself in the quest to leave things a little better than she found them. Love to a Cancer is the most powerful force in the universe—and she, at her best, is the most skillful wielder of that magical force you will ever find.

Long criticized for their “moodiness,” the important thing to know when loving a Cancer is that she feels everything.

Communication is key if you hope to avoid the misunderstandings that could lead to romantic fallout. A sweet word or thoughtful gesture will have her orbiting the stars, while a thoughtless jab or slighted action threatens to send her spiraling into the “what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this” darkness of doubt.

Because she feels everything, a Cancer often craves alone time, either to be with her thoughts or to rejuvenate her soul from the constant taking in of all that surrounds her.

At times you may be confused by her ability to be equally shy and bold, especially in the bedroom. (Side Note: there is nothing sexier than when she is able to get out of her head and express her unencumbered sexuality.)

Unbeknownst to most is that it takes an incredible amount of work for a true Cancer to break free of the hardened shell that protects her raw emotions. Many a Cancer keeps lovers timidly at bay and only ventures into uncharted waters when it is “safe” to do so because she doesn’t know how to love halfway.

Although she loves being spontaneous, a Cancer abhors a one-night stand because the gift of herself is one she treasures. To feel discarded after a solo encounter (no matter how passionate) can leave her feeling unwanted and unworthy.

As a result of taking everything in, it is vitally important for her to let things out, and as such, a Cancer is often creative and always expressive. Sometimes in words, other times in actions—the fluidity of this water sign lets things pour through her and flow back out again in various forms.

Thoughtfulness characterizes her relationship style, as once in her heart, you are always on her mind. She will give everything she has to you, and in return it takes very little to make her happy. To feel valued, appreciated and secure are among her greatest desires from the one she loves.

Sensitivity to her journey is something Cancer seeks in her lover.

You are not her first, you would be lucky to be her last, and along the way it is important to know that many have hurt her (mainly because she has let them). This is not your fault, but it may come into play from time to time. She is not looking for you to fix her cracks or make her whole again…she just needs to know that she can trust you with her broken parts, as she pieces herself together in an effort to give you all she has.

A Cancer’s past is riddled with unworthy lovers, only because she had not yet learned how incredibly special she is. Once known, rest assured, she will refuse to settle for less, as she has endured many a heartache to get to the place where she now confidently stands.

A Cancer’s greatest gift is her heart—she is loving to a fault, holding on long after others would let go because of that tiny ray of sunshine that promises her there is light beyond the darkness.

What she seeks is stability, though she lives for adventure!

She wants to play and explore and delve into the unknown with someone she is confident will be her safety net—should she come crashing down. Over the years she has taken care of so many. For her future happiness in love, she wants one who is comfortable in their own skin and who doesn’t need her, but to whom she is a joyfully desired addition. She seeks a love with whom she can grow with, not one more person to pick up or pull along.

A well-loved Cancer will give you everything you could possibly want in a relationship, as she has always believed that the fairytale is real. A Princess who often plays the Prince: galloping in to rescue those in distress, falling hard and fast while always believing in the possibility of a happily ever after.

She is a magic mirror of sorts as many find themselves because of the way she sees them. And though she doesn’t view herself as the fairest of them all, rest assured that a Cancer’s love is pure and real and 100 percent genuine. (Sadly, not many people have experienced a love like hers, so most don’t know what to do with it…thus they push away, or worse, take her for granted.)

For the brave soul that is willing to let themselves be loved by big-hearted Cancer, may you see a miracle invisible to others. And may the two of you bask in the euphoric glow that radiates from those who know the uniqueness of writing their own fairytale.

I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did. Did it help your love life out? A relationship or did you find that it sounded a lot like yourself? I hope so!

Girl71282

Posted in family, Health, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

What We Fear the Most

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What do you fear the most? Spiders? snakes? manipulative, narcissistic people? Or is it simply Death.

We live our lives just to die and go to heaven. Why don’t we live our lives while we’re ALIVE instead of living for the unknown? I don’t know what happens when we die and neither do ANY of you.

If I was the leader of one of these “cults,” I would tell you that when you take your last breath, after your heart has beat the last beat, when you’re dead, you teleport to a different planet that is millions of years away from Earth. That would be my explanation for the after life.

But, you wouldn’t have to live your life based on what could happen when you’re dead! For all ANYONE knows, I could be right, and everyone no matter what “sins” you have committed or how many doors you’ve knocked on to preach to people about how they should live THEIR lives!

Death is a scary thought, if you believe everything you watch or hear. I don’t think it’s scary. I’ve come close to death a couple times and decided after the last time, and hours of thinking, I do not care what happens when I die, or after the fact. Shit I may be going to hell, but at least I can say I lived my life. I’ve loved, I’ve hated, I’ve experienced feelings I didn’t know existed, and none of it was based on what is going to happen to me when I’m dead.

I’ve sinned like crazy! I’ve never asked for forgiveness once. Who am I asking? I’m not asking one single alive person! I live for my kids and me. For the people that return the love I share. For the people that have given me those awesome feelings I didn’t know existed. I live for now, not later.
To be continued……

Girl71282

Posted in Elephant Journal, family, love, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

when ‘I love You’ comes

Here is another one from Elephant Journal that I just love. I wish I could write my feelings out like this. It is hard
going from having no feelings to feeling again. I’ve even tried to cover them up. I have learned over the past few months what my problem is, and now I’m determined to make those life changes. I will have to lose some things, but as long as I’ve got YOU babe to keep my head above the clouds, every little thing is gonna be alright.

“There is a sweet song rolling through my mind. It brings a bounce to my step, a smile to my lips, and that little mischievous, pulsing throb in the deepest parts of who I am.

Such music has become a part of me lately. It has defined my days and warmed my nights. Imagine that incredible beauty as you sit in stillness, as you sit in that holy place you’ve defined as yours, and the warm notes of a million lifetimes come pouring in through the little channels that tunnel deep into your soul.

That’s where I am, and that is where I find her.

In a world confused by me, she understands me. She brings my voice into tune, my heart into rhythm, my sight into focus. She has no need to question me, she is the answer. She is the rock that steadies the sands beneath my feet, and the wind that moves the clouds hiding the warmth I’d like to feel.

She doesn’t own my errors, she embraces them. She doesn’t try to dull my rough edges, they fit nicely with her own. She doesn’t see walls or barriers, she knows that where she lays with me there is nothing but open space, and that she is free.

She is genuine, not preaching a mantra of things she supposed to say. Her smile lights up my day because it flows so easily from her soul. Her voice comforts me, reminding me of the sweet lullabies I’ve heard a million times in my dreams.

Her mind entices me; it is not burdened by old ideas or conditioned rhetoric. She refreshes me, reminding me that I am me, and she is her, but we…well, we are fucking invincible.

In the vast stories of my life, in the many chapters, changes, transformations and lessons that have occurred, I am grateful. Grateful for the moments when I was hurt. Grateful for the moments when I was so cold, survival was never assured. I’m grateful for the pretenders who challenged my psyche, who dared question my integrity as I waited, patiently, for her to answer my call.

I’m grateful for the discipline I kept sacred, for the refusal to bend to the whims of others, and for the strength I was gifted in walking the path, staying the course and never, ever, forgetting.

Why am I so grateful?

Well, let’s just say that the words “I love you” should never be work.

They should flow mindlessly and mindfully at the same time, without effort and without hesitation. They should not be a promise of servitude, or of imprisonment, they should be a guarantee of the liberation we are all entitled to.

Those words should simply spill from your mouth when you least expect it, and they be recognized for the powerful testament of simplicity they truly are. When it takes more effort to hold them back than just say them, you should stop working so hard and let them fall out of you. They are truth, an embodiment of nothing but the truth, and we owe each other that precious gift.

We don’t owe each other tomorrow, we owe each other the truth of our now. We owe each other our moodiness, our fears, our darkness, our hugs, our kisses, our light, our joy as well as the monsters we may have created under our bed.

We don’t owe each other perfection, we owe each other the best of who we are regardless of what that means. We don’t owe each other sacrifice, we owe each other the promise that sacrifice is not necessary. We don’t owe each other security, we owe each other the promise of awareness, even when we find ourselves lost in the throes of unconsciousness.
We become the light bearer for each other not out of duty or effort, but out of the effortless fact that our light is all that need be. She shines effortlessly, like the full moon in the darkest forest, and that is enough for this traveler.

We don’t tell each other those little white lies often told to spare an unwanted emotion. We tell each other the truth, and  we trust each other enough to handle it. Our truth is fearless, as is our ability to hear it.

She may seem in flux to some, but to me she is a rock. She may seem conflicted to others, but to me she makes perfect sense. She may be a mistake to a few, but to me she is utter perfectionist.

She is the answer to my joyful aloneness, the embodiment of the Universe responding to my soul, a reminder of something forgotten but remembered, of a life lived many, many times before.

When all of that comes into being, when the stars align and the music plays, the words “I love you” simply spill from your lips before you’ve even realized you’ve said them.

Three words, a trinity of truth, of life, of a certain reality realized in a moment like the beginning of the Universe, expanding from the smallest space within to fill the vastness of eternity with potential, with creation, with the power of mind allied with the strength of heart.

It’s in those words we exist, and in those words we are filled with passion, with desire, and with hope.

It’s there we are standing, her and I. I can feel her fingers intertwined with mine, her very presence filling all of the once-empty spaces around me, in me, and through me. It’s the moment when “I love you” comes that it all seems so…so…perfect, so necessary.

You smile, you laugh, and if you are lucky enough to be a writer the words just flow out of you like breath. It’s there you know that it was all worth it, so all very worth it, and that you wouldn’t change a thing. It’s there that the past and future become the present moment, and it’s there you choose to live fully and eternally.

It’s there I am. It’s there she is. I think we’ve made a home here.”

Mary’s part 🙂
This is how I want my man to feel about me and ONLY me. Here’s what I’ve got to say……

Here I am – body and soul, all of my love and all of my baggage – all of me. Here I am with my wide opened arms ready to accept you, baggage and all into my heart.

I see you – father, son, brother, lover, the light and the darkness, the warrior and the scared little boy – all of you. I want you, crave the salty taste of your skin, I cry for you, for the harm that has been done to you, all of you, you and only you, just as you are. I have a place in my heart that’s been waiting for you. Please handle my heart with care as I will with yours.

Girl71282

Posted in Health, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

My last Wishes

I come from a family of dancers, yet I don’t know how 😉 I want it to be a celebration of my life. I don’t want my kids to hurt. I want them to dance. I want them to be preoccupied with the party. Doing the caterpillar around the room. I want one more time by daft punk and three little bird by Bob marley ONLY. Make sure my kids know how much I love them and ALWAYS will, even after I’m gone.

Kinda morbid, right?

But what if I get hit by a car tomorrow? I want my ashes in Jamaica on the Sandy beaches. That way you can have a vacation too. One I’ll probably never go on.

I want what I want. That’s all. Leave all my bills to Susan Snyder, krautkremer,or whatever the fuck she’s going by now.

The most important part is that everyone’s happy. I won’t be suffering anymore. I’ll be at peace.

I’ll see you again 🙂 💜💙💛💚💋

Posted in love, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

All Alone…

All Alone…

And it’s ok. I’ll live, and I bet I could live like this for a long time.

I’m just so damn trusting! Don’t trust a thug! Oh but they know how to talk that sexy talk, strut their foxy hot trots, and fuck like no other!

Find a girl that is down for you. Willing to put a fight up for you. Willing to do anything you want, with some expectations.

I thought, once again, I had found Mr. Right. Ha! Boy was I wrong. Remind me not to believe everything I hear.

Why can’t people just be truthful? It would make things a whole lot easier and less heartbreaking. Rejection sucks. I think that’s the main idea.

Rejection. To reject an idea. No. To bad people don’t like the word yes a lot more.

Oh well, live and learn or be like me and live, learn, but do what you want to do anyways!
Adios Amigos!

Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, Arts and Crafts, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

This is Day Three, and Day Two, and Day Four.

Silly me missed all of these days again! It wasn’t completely my fault. I didn’t have Internet access for like three days! can you believe it?! I tried to “borrow” the neighbor’s Internet connection, but all of them were password protected. I tried to get A to ask his neighbor for his password, but he didnt want to.

So, three days later, here I am, on WordPress, trying to remember what made me happy. The first thing I’m going to put down is my happiness that I have FINALLY found and am being treated by the, in my opinion, best Dr. around. He has my meds right and I know this because I feel pretty stable. Maybe a little agressive at times, but dammit, quit pissing me off!

I am also happy that I have a vast supply of art materials. Probably enough to keep me busy for a few weeks. I discovered this awesome artist on YouTube that does tutorials on how to draw pin up girls and old school stuff like that. I have done one of the tutorials, which I will post about later, but I CANNOT wait to do more!

Today I’m happy because I have officially quit smoking (yay me!), and am now only Vaping. I have been using a Vaporizer for about three months now. I would still smoke cigarettes sometimes. I finally bought an expensive one with flavored oils to use in it, and I haven’t smoked any cigarettes since! Before, I had tried all of the over the counter stop smoking aids, but they NEVER worked. This vapor deal is pretty awesome! I can even feel a difference in my breathing and my taste buds. Gatorade has never tasted so good!

Ok, so there’s my three days of happiness. I will do today’s when the day is over, granted I still have Internet access.

Have A Great Day Everyone! thank you for stopping by and liking, commenting, and even following my blog! I know I’m boring, SO it means a lot to me!

Peace out

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Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, love, NaBloPoMo

All of the Days I Have Missed!

I have missed so many days of the happiness challenge that I can’t remember what I’ve been happy about! I’m going to start over right now!
Today I’m happy for so much that it’s hard to pick just one thing. I’m going to say that I’m happy that my favorite cousin has come into my life. I love her so much! We are so much a like that you’d think we were sisters.
She gives me strength to keep going when I feel like giving up.  She has been through so much that it amazes me that she is so strong. I don’t like that we live so far away from each other, and hopefully I can get her back over here soon!
I love you Beatrice Petty! Don’t you dare ever leave me or let anyone come between us!

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Me on the left, Bea on the right
Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, love, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

Shit! Day 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, AND 13!

Yeah, I forgot. There’s a lot been going on, but I’ll write another post about that chapter of my life ending….. thankfully!
So for day 7 I was happy to be able to spend time with someone whose so attentive, nurturing, and caring. That’s what love is all about!
Day 8 I was happy that I got to sleep in for a while, ok all day.
Day 9 I was happy because I stood up for myself and didn’t break and go back to that miserable life!
Day 10 I was happy to spend some quality time with friends.
Day 11 I was a little sad, but I was happy for the past week.
Day 12 I was more sad, but I found happiness in cuddling up with my baby boy’s blanket. Smelling his smells that have become so unfamiliar 😥
And day 13! I am happy that I have completed everything on my list! Yay me!
I’m going to get back into the daily thing now! See ya tomorrow!

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Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

Day 4 and 5 of Being Happy!

once again I forgot to do yesterday’s post! I need to put this on my “to-do” list.
Yesterday, day 4, I was happy that I have a car that can go on road trips even though it’s a 2002 and has almost 160,000 miles on it. It still goes like a champ!
Today, day 5, I am happy that I get to share my life with the people e love. I’m also happy there is medicine for my Little man that keeps his fever down.
Have a great day!