Posted in Health, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

My last Wishes

I come from a family of dancers, yet I don’t know how 😉 I want it to be a celebration of my life. I don’t want my kids to hurt. I want them to dance. I want them to be preoccupied with the party. Doing the caterpillar around the room. I want one more time by daft punk and three little bird by Bob marley ONLY. Make sure my kids know how much I love them and ALWAYS will, even after I’m gone.

Kinda morbid, right?

But what if I get hit by a car tomorrow? I want my ashes in Jamaica on the Sandy beaches. That way you can have a vacation too. One I’ll probably never go on.

I want what I want. That’s all. Leave all my bills to Susan Snyder, krautkremer,or whatever the fuck she’s going by now.

The most important part is that everyone’s happy. I won’t be suffering anymore. I’ll be at peace.

I’ll see you again 🙂 💜💙💛💚💋

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Posted in Elephant Journal, love, Mental Health, Miscellaneous

Why She left

This is part of a blog that I read on the Elephant Journal.

This is so powerful to me. It’s like I wrote it myself. Or at least it’s exactly how I have felt and still do.

Here ya go!

Why She Stayed.

She was once happy where she was. There were infinite possibilities—the love they shared was deep and powerful—she was desperate to rekindle that.

In the beginning, it felt wonderful and joyous as they were exploring new things together and she was learning so much about herself.

She remembered the fun they used to have and how fulfilled she was. He was everything she thought she wanted.

Her friends and family used to comment on how happy she was, as if they were envious of the joy she radiated. They wanted it too, or so she thought.

When things started to change, and the feelings began to dissipate, she wondered where she went wrong. She was hopeful that it would come back that strong again.

She was upset with herself, that she was somehow to blame.

She felt that staying showed her commitment and she was worried that she may leave too soon and live to regret it.

She waited for things to get better. She stayed optimistic that things would change.

She questioned many times if she should leave. That was the first sign that she should.

So instead, she looked for signs that she should stay. And sometimes when she looked hard enough, she found them.
She knew, in some ways that she was settling, but still she questioned if there would be anything better.

Besides, it wasn’t terrible and there was still some good left. Others certainly had it worse, she would justify.

She felt some safety in knowing what to expect, as if being comfortable brought happiness. It didn’t.
She had many ways to rationalize why she should stay.

She was scared about what she was giving up, and worried about what she may lose if she left.
But she didn’t consider what it was costing her to stay.

She started to uncover the courage and strength that she knew she always had. She weighed the risks.

Now, she was tired. She was defeated. She was resentful. She had given up her own power and happiness and she knew it was too far-gone.

She spoke to friends and she built up a tribe around her. They supported her. They always did.

She remembered how much potential she had and how the choice to stay was hurting her.

She let go of the guilt and blame that she had done something wrong. She hadn’t.

She finally had enough. She realized that it was no longer serving her. It was making her sad, hurt and frustrated.

She had given until there was nothing left to give. She wanted to smile and laugh again, like she did when it first began.

She knew it was inevitable that she would leave, but she didn’t know when. She didn’t know how. She knew she was stalling.

But she wondered what she was waiting for.

But finally, she left. The sadness became too much, the stress too overwhelming and the hurt enclosed her.

It was time to move on and she had found the strength. She realized that the only one holding her back was herself.

She was terrified of the aftermath. How would she cope? Who would she be without this part of her life that she had held onto for so long?

She picked herself up, she found the courage and she believed in herself. She knew she was strong, she knew she would survive.

She thought back to who she was before she weakened and how amazing and accomplished she was. How she lived her life without fear—she felt joy and passion. She found inspiration in that.

When it was all said and done, it was like a breath of fresh air. And she smiled again. Just like she knew she would.

She survived and she proved her strength. Not to anyone else, but to herself. She became aware of how much she had scarified and how unhappy she had been.

Life started to unfold around her and happiness began to pursue her. She didn’t need to reach for it with outstretched arms like she thought.

Happiness found her.

She still holds onto the happy memories, but she decided she deserved to be unconditionally happy. She decided that her life was worth pure bliss and that she didn’t need to rationalize her choices any longer.

For all of the amazing women of the world, may you find the strength and the courage to live the life of joy you are worthy of and finally take that breath of fresh air.

Posted in love, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

All Alone…

All Alone…

And it’s ok. I’ll live, and I bet I could live like this for a long time.

I’m just so damn trusting! Don’t trust a thug! Oh but they know how to talk that sexy talk, strut their foxy hot trots, and fuck like no other!

Find a girl that is down for you. Willing to put a fight up for you. Willing to do anything you want, with some expectations.

I thought, once again, I had found Mr. Right. Ha! Boy was I wrong. Remind me not to believe everything I hear.

Why can’t people just be truthful? It would make things a whole lot easier and less heartbreaking. Rejection sucks. I think that’s the main idea.

Rejection. To reject an idea. No. To bad people don’t like the word yes a lot more.

Oh well, live and learn or be like me and live, learn, but do what you want to do anyways!
Adios Amigos!

Posted in Arts and Crafts, Doodles, drawing (attempts), Miscellaneous, Watercolor paintings, Zentangle

Find Balance. The Makings of A Piece of ART

Hello everyone! I have been slacking so bad on my blog! I feel horrible! I have all these drafts that need to be finished, but I’d rather write new ones! So, so, so much has changed in just the past month. I’ll write a different post on that, some day.

This post is going to take you from start to finish on how I drew this:

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It doesn’t look exactly the same, but that’s a good thing 😉 I just love the colors in this picture and the doodle style.

So, here is my first “learning” one, that I absolutely do not like! But this is how you learn!

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I didn’t finish it because I thought I figured it out. Time will tell…. it’s harder than it looks, but I think I have figured it out.
The first thing is to make it on BIGGER paper! The first draft was done on a 5.5in X 8.5in mixed media sketchbook. The new one will be done on an 11 in x 14 in mixed media paper.
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It’s kind of hard to see, but here’s some of what I did before getting the pens and paints out. This was done with an HB Derwent pencil.

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Here’s one of the circles. I put a Henna type flower in it and the official tangle, Printempts around the flower. I just love this so much!

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I decided to use a very dark blue instead of black for the background, because it looked good with the yellow 🙂

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And here it is my drawing with the right side background completed. I used Derwent watercolor pencils to color in the background this bluish color.

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And here is the finished piece of work! It doesn’t look exactly like the reference photo, but that’s ok! It has my touch to it 😆

I really enjoyed this project. I didn’t use the reference photo as much as I usually do, which is a plus! That means I’m venturing out of my little shell here and will be producing bigger and better projects.

Thanks for looking and liking and commenting! Follow me on Instagram onenonly712, Flickr Onenonly782 and onenonly712, and twitter @onenonly711 or @onenonly712.

Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, Arts and Crafts, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

This is Day Three, and Day Two, and Day Four.

Silly me missed all of these days again! It wasn’t completely my fault. I didn’t have Internet access for like three days! can you believe it?! I tried to “borrow” the neighbor’s Internet connection, but all of them were password protected. I tried to get A to ask his neighbor for his password, but he didnt want to.

So, three days later, here I am, on WordPress, trying to remember what made me happy. The first thing I’m going to put down is my happiness that I have FINALLY found and am being treated by the, in my opinion, best Dr. around. He has my meds right and I know this because I feel pretty stable. Maybe a little agressive at times, but dammit, quit pissing me off!

I am also happy that I have a vast supply of art materials. Probably enough to keep me busy for a few weeks. I discovered this awesome artist on YouTube that does tutorials on how to draw pin up girls and old school stuff like that. I have done one of the tutorials, which I will post about later, but I CANNOT wait to do more!

Today I’m happy because I have officially quit smoking (yay me!), and am now only Vaping. I have been using a Vaporizer for about three months now. I would still smoke cigarettes sometimes. I finally bought an expensive one with flavored oils to use in it, and I haven’t smoked any cigarettes since! Before, I had tried all of the over the counter stop smoking aids, but they NEVER worked. This vapor deal is pretty awesome! I can even feel a difference in my breathing and my taste buds. Gatorade has never tasted so good!

Ok, so there’s my three days of happiness. I will do today’s when the day is over, granted I still have Internet access.

Have A Great Day Everyone! thank you for stopping by and liking, commenting, and even following my blog! I know I’m boring, SO it means a lot to me!

Peace out

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Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, love, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

Shit! Day 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, AND 13!

Yeah, I forgot. There’s a lot been going on, but I’ll write another post about that chapter of my life ending….. thankfully!
So for day 7 I was happy to be able to spend time with someone whose so attentive, nurturing, and caring. That’s what love is all about!
Day 8 I was happy that I got to sleep in for a while, ok all day.
Day 9 I was happy because I stood up for myself and didn’t break and go back to that miserable life!
Day 10 I was happy to spend some quality time with friends.
Day 11 I was a little sad, but I was happy for the past week.
Day 12 I was more sad, but I found happiness in cuddling up with my baby boy’s blanket. Smelling his smells that have become so unfamiliar 😥
And day 13! I am happy that I have completed everything on my list! Yay me!
I’m going to get back into the daily thing now! See ya tomorrow!

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Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, family, Health, Miscellaneous, NaBloPoMo

Day 4 and 5 of Being Happy!

once again I forgot to do yesterday’s post! I need to put this on my “to-do” list.
Yesterday, day 4, I was happy that I have a car that can go on road trips even though it’s a 2002 and has almost 160,000 miles on it. It still goes like a champ!
Today, day 5, I am happy that I get to share my life with the people e love. I’m also happy there is medicine for my Little man that keeps his fever down.
Have a great day!

Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, Arts and Crafts, family, Health, love, Mental Health, Miscellaneous

Day 2 and 3 of Being Happy!

I had such a sleepy day yesterday that I forgot to say what I was happy for. Yesterday my cousin Bea came over for the weekend. We didn’t grow up together, and we just met on February 1st,2015. I’m so happy she is in my life again. Even though is only been a couple months, she’s seen me through good and bad and has always helped me. I hope we always stay this close! I love you!
Today, which is day three, I am thankful for the ability to create art that people enjoy. I think of everyone tried they’d be an artist. It just comes easier for some.
See you tomorrow for day 4 of Happiness!

Posted in 100 Days of Happiness Challenge, Health, Mental Health, Miscellaneous

100 Day Happiness Challenge!

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Are you happy? I mean, can you look at your life and reflect on all the things in it that makes you happy? I,myself, have been having a hard time doing that given all of the recent events that have happened in my life. What’s there to be happy for anymore? Well guess what? There’s a lot to be happy for, and I’m going to find at least one thing daily that makes me happy. It can be something as small as a smile from a stranger, to winning the lottery. I’m going to do this!
I first saw this challenge being presented on thisblog. It was about a lady from India was kind of having the same problem. She was just looking at the negative in her life and not all of the positive. I’m not going to tell you a whole lot about her blog post because I think you should click on the link and read it yourself! It’s not boring!
So, starting today I am going to be doing this challenged to find happiness. The very first thing I’m going to be happy about is that my boys are strong, healthy, and smart individuals who ALWAYS know how to put a smile on my face. I love those little and big suckers with all of my heart and will no matter what. I hope they all know this. So, that’s my post for today! Search for the 100 Days of Happiness Challenge and see what you find. Does it look like something you’d be interested in doing with me or on your own?
I’m ready to be happy again. Whose with me?

Think Positive, Be Positive

!!!!!!



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