Relapse vs. Lapse

Today was group day. There were six of us. I really enjoy group. I’ve made a couple of friends but they are having a hard time staying clean. Their significant others are still addicts not wanting to go to treatment. If you’re a recovering addict you know how hard it is to be around drugs, even if they don’t do it around you.

I had a UA yesterday and saw one of the PA’s  (Physician Assistant). A PA is just like a doctor, besides they can’t prescribe narcotics. There are 2 two doctors there to sign the scripts.

Back to group, today we talked about the difference between relapse and lapse. I need to go back to last week. I saw the Dr last Thursday. The assistant told me not to do any opiates after 10am Wednesday. So, in my addict head I thought that meant go ahead and take some pills kinda like a good bye.

I took two 10mg oxycodone. It had been around three weeks since I took the last 80mg oxycontin. Those two oxy’s did get me a little high. I wanted more after they stopped working, but I didn’t take any because I knew I had to be in withdrawals to be put on suboxone.

In group today, the lady that runs our group told us the difference between a relapse and a lapse. I was counting the days from last Wednesday as my sober day. What I did was just a lapse. If I would’ve taken more opiates after the two that I took, and if I got back into the addiction full force, then I would have relapsed. A lapse is if you do drugs one time and don’t get back into the addiction.

I hope that makes sense. I’m not very good at describing things 😕 So because I lapsed and didn’t relapse I get to move my sober day to the original one, which is September 21st, 2015! I’m four weeks and eight days sober from opiates! This is the longest I’ve gone without oxy’s or Vicodin or any other opiates in seven and a half YEARS. I’m pretty proud of myself. I know some people say you’re not sober until you’re off the suboxone but this is my recovery and my life. If you can’t support me in this recovery, then don’t let the door hit you on your ass on the way out of my life!

I feel so good. I haven’t felt this great in as long as I can remember! I’m told this is the “honeymoon” part of treatment. After around four weeks it should level out and I should mellow out a bit.

I’m so happy I had the guts to do this! Going to treatment was probably the second best thing I have done in my life. The first was deciding to raise my kids and not having abortions or giving them up for adoption.

Well, I think I’m done with this post. Here’s a little mandala that I drew the other day. Have a great day or afternoon or night!

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Girl71282

Posted in Doodles, drawing (attempts), Health, Inktober, Mental Health, Miscellaneous

InkTober Time!

Hi everyone! It’s 447am, on September 23rd, 2015. I’m patiently waiting for everyone to wake up so I have some company.

It’s almost InkTober and that makes me so happy! I try to draw one thing a day, but most of the time I’m shaking so badly that I’ll just try patterns out and call it a day!

I hope the shakiness goes away once I’m off everything. I will give it a month to get better. Well actually I’ll give it all the time it needs since I can’t do anything about it.

Anyone out there that suffers from lithium tremors? I’m not on lithium and haven’t been for a couple years, but I still shake really bad. Maybe it’s something else.

I’ll find out pretty soon, what it is that’s making me shake. It’s the first day of a new life for me.  So far so good, but it’s only day one. 

Girl71282

Posted in Arts and Crafts, Doodles, Inktober

Inktober Numero Dos (Number two)

Well, I have been doing a lot of drawing/doodling the past few weeks. I haven’t posted anything because I read somewhere that you shouldn’t post all of your work. Now that I think about it, that’s kinda silly. You should post everything you’re proud of! Well, I’m usually not proud of much that I do. Why? Well, I think just like most artists, that I could have done better. Here are just a couple of actual drawings I have completed in the past couple days.  These aren’t Zentangle! I have jumped out of my comfort zone. I did receive two new Zentangle books yesterday! I can’t wait to try them out!

OK, here is the first drawing I did.

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This one is called Daisies For Heidi. Heidi is my bff! We’ve been friends since we were six years old!

So there is lnktober Numero Dos! I will post more on a different day! Have a Wonderful Friday!

Posted in Art Journaling, Arts and Crafts, Inktober, Zentangle

Inktober Numero Uno (Number One)

Good morning loveys. Today is October 6th and I just heard about it being “Inktober.” Create with ink! That’s so easy for me! So, here’s the first one of the month. You’re supposed to create one a day or five a month, or something like that. I’m going to do as many as I can in a month, instead of doing one daily. I’m not very fast.

Here is my little flower when I first started. I used a black Copic Multiliner A-2 set. These are Like the Multiliner SP except they are disposable. So, they’re comparable to the black Microns. I like these better than the Microns though. In my opinion they’re a lot darker and stay on the page better with the watercolors.

The beginning of my flower :)
The beginning of my flower 🙂

I didn’t plan this. I just started drawing that this is what happened. I’m not too upset about it! So after drawing lines and circles I decided to add a little color. I used an orange Micron, green Micron, pink Sharpie, and a yellow Sharpie. The yellow Sharpie over the pink Sharpie made it look orange but I added more orange with the Micron. Fun stuff!

With a little color
With a little color and some oopsies!

The next step was to add color to the background, so I used my General Kimberley’s water color pencils. I love these things! I don’t really like the look of colored pencils, and I don’t like the way they feel when you’re using them. The General’s are pretty smooth feeling though! I definitely want to get some more colors!

Pretty red flower with the colored pencil look background.
Pretty red flower with the colored pencil look background.

I used three different colors of blue to get the background look and a little water on a paintbrush. This is the fun part!

Here it is, mixed with water on a paintbrush.
Here it is, mixed with water on a paintbrush.

I still thought it needed more, so I started adding more circles, bigger than the ones on the plant. You can’t really see the ones on the plant unless you enlarge the picture. The last part was shading, and this is the end result! I do like this one 🙂 I think I’m only going to get better as I do each one of my “Inktober” projects. Maybe I’ll frame them and hang them in the hall. I’ve never framed anything I have drawn before.

Finished Product with shading.
Finished Product with shading.
Finished product without shading and with a little enhancement.
Finished product without shading and with a little enhancement.

That’s it for my first “Inktober” project. Now on to make the second…..
Thanks for stopping by!