Posted in love, Love Life, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, Trauma Therapy Adventure, treatment, Uncategorized, Updates, what's on my mind

It’s Nice To Finally Meet You


But who is? Everyone changes. Some of us at a higher rate than others, but we all change. 

I used to think sex was the way to a man’s heart. Sex was what made a man determine if he loved me. Pretty stupid, eh? Well, that must be my middle name. 

I used to think people changed as fast as I do. I thought people actually learned from their mistakes. I also thought people would change into what I wanted them to be. I wanted you to be the man of my dreams. 

But, I do eventually learn from my mistakes. It takes me a few times to get it right, but eventually I’ll do as I’m supposed to. 

A year ago, around this time, it finally became clear to me what the truth is. I finally got it through my thick skull what it means to be real. It’s not satisfying your man sexually that keeps him around. I don’t know what that answer is yet, but when I do I’ll let everyone know.

I want the world to love more. Love doesn’t mean sex, and many of you laugh, but I thought it was the same. No. 

Love is respect for one another. Enough respect to take into affect your loved ones wishes. For example, maybe she doesn’t feel like having sex right now. Don’t make her feel bad. Don’t give her a guilt trip or try to convince her she’s cheating. Do you like having sex when you’re not in the mood? Or are women that much different than men? Personally, I just don’t feel like having sex. I don’t feel pretty, or clean, or whatever it is. It’s not like it’s you. It’s me.

Love in being truthful with each other, to each other, and about each other. If you tell me I look good, and I really look like I should be a clown in the circus, you’d better tell me. And please tell me when I’m being a bitch. I really don’t know all the time when I’m acting like the devil in Prada. I want to hear why you love me, how much you love me, what I do wrong, how I can fix it. 

Love is compromise. You don’t own me, and I don’t own you. You want to go out tonight? Do I get to go out without you tomorrow? Am I not compromising enough? Well let’s see what evidence you can bring to the table, and I’m sure I’ll compromise more. You don’t have to give me ultimatums. 

Please just communicate with me. Talk to me. Am I asking for too much? Maybe that’s why I’ve never had my idea of a perfect relationship. Maybe I wasn’t asking for enough. 

I promise to give love to you the best way I know how. I’m still learning, please be patient with me. I need patience right now, or nothing. 

I’d prefer nothing sometimes. 

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Author:

I love many things; my boys, recovery, painting, drawing, crocheting, knitting, and the list goes on. Recovery from PTSD and addiction. Acrylic and watercolor painting. Soft yarn, in neutral colors. This is my place to ramble and not have to hear the judgements of others. Thank you.

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