Posted in Addiction, Health, Mental Health, Miscellaneous, opiate addiction, treatment, what's on my mind

Oopsie Daisy

No, I didn’t relapse 🙂 I did, however, forget to put why I am confused in my last post. I think the answer was given to me tonight, but it wasn’t by a professional. I am confused because Oxycodone, my main drug of choice, also the instant release form of Oxycontin, is an opiate. Well, I was put on the Suboxone therapy, which Suboxone is also an opiate. As I said yesterday, Suboxone is the name brand for 8mg buprenorphine and 2mg naloxone.

Here is a little chart that explains what the meds do.

Buprenorphine and Naloxone = Suboxone
Buprenorphine and Naloxone = Suboxone

So, does that make sense to YOU? Haha! It makes sense to me, but I can’t explain it.

The reason I’m confused is that I was addicted to prescription pain pills and now I guess you could say I’m addicted to Suboxone. Do I have a sober date, or do I have to wait until I’m off the Suboxone? I asked that question in an online support group and was told by two people, the only ones to respond, that I have to wait until I’m off the Suboxone.

Even though I’m on the Suboxone I’m also doing chemical dependency classes two times a week and I have a counselor at the clinic that I see. Oh and the Dr. every week.

So, doesn’t that count a little bit towards my sobriety? Or am I just going from one drug to another? Ahhh! I’m confused. It’s a good thing that one of my classes is tomorrow. Do any of you have any good suggestions or answers for me?

I do have to say that the Suboxone is doing great. I’m not craving the Oxy’s, and I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms. I also can function. It took a couple of days before that could happen. To tell you the truth, the Suboxone knocked me on my ass. Now that I think I’m on the correct dosage, I’m feeling pretty good. The best that I’ve felt in a long time.

I think one of the reasons I’m feeling better is because I don’t have to worry about running out in a few days. I am taking the lowest dose possible for ME. That doesn’t mean that it’s not to high for someone else or to low. Everyone is different. I also like the fact that I take it all once a day and not throughout the day.

I thought that when I started on the Suboxone it would be like it was when I was on the pills, since it is an opiate. I was so wrong! My head is still out of the clouds, not in that haze caused by the oxy pollution. I was even kinda comical today at my Dr.’s appointment. I was a lot more talkative and I don’t feel high! Yes! I never thought this day would happen.

When I called Ideal Options to get my initial appointment they let me know that there was a two to four week wait. I felt discouraged. I had waited until I was in withdrawals, like I was told I would have to be, and needless to say I was pissed that I couldn’t get in right away. I figured that I might as well just forget the appointment since I’d be basically done with the withdrawals. A lot of people, including another person that is on the program, asked why I would go and be put on another drug. Well, the reason that I did go and get on that other drug is because of the cravings. The cravings made me so anxious and I just couldn’t stand it.

The cravings are part of the addiction that I went through so much. I was withdrawing about every two weeks. I would sit around, text every person I knew that might have some, then I’d try to figure out what I could give them instead of money because I never have money. Sometimes I would ask someone for money, but with the amount I needed to take to feel “good (addict talk for not in withdrawals, but not high)” was so high that nobody would give me that much money. I would even crave them when I had them!

I did depend on my ex for a long time. We would share pills. He’d run out of his and take mine, when I ran out I would get one of his Oxycontin sometimes two a day, if he had just gotten his script. I’m so glad that I’m not having to go through that anymore. I think that’s some of the reason I feel so good.

If anyone has their own story that they’d like to tell, feel free to do so in the comments, or leave me a link to your own blog 🙂 829 words! I think that’s enough spilling of the beans for one night. I hope you all have a great week! Thanks for reading more of my ramblings!

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Author:

I love many things; my boys, recovery, painting, drawing, crocheting, knitting, and the list goes on. Recovery from PTSD and addiction. Acrylic and watercolor painting. Soft yarn, in neutral colors. This is my place to ramble and not have to hear the judgements of others. Thank you.

2 thoughts on “Oopsie Daisy

  1. Just my opinion, and believe me I don’t know best but I do have some experience. I thought about if for a while before I responded but I really do feel like this is important.
    So, here it goes: Your sobriety/ or clean date (I hate that word cause I’m not dirty) has definitely begun. You are taking suboxone, which is Medically Assisted Treatment and that is a wonderful thing. MAT’s (medication assisted treatments) are stigmatized by 12 step groups because they say you are “cheating” so to speak. Addiction is characterized by:
    a.Inability to consistently Abstain;
    b.Impairment in Behavioral control;
    c.Craving; or increased “hunger” for drugs or rewarding experiences;
    d.Diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships; and
    e.A dysfunctional Emotional response.

    You are not any of those! You are not using, and you are actively working on yourself. This stigmatization of MAT’s is killing people because they are told in 12 step groups that their clean time does not count. People can be on suboxone for years and are recommended to in many cases. What are 12 step groups thinking????? That if you are on Suboxone for 2 years not using any illicit drugs that your sobriety time does not count.— That is a total bunch of bullshit.—– Get with the new age NA. MAT’s are the gold standard of treatment and highly recommended for opiate disorders. You are more likely to stay in recovery than a person who is not on a MAT’s. There is not one right way to recover…..the right way is just doing whatever you need to do to be okay! Addiction is rough stuff!
    What they sit around and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes all day long….if they think that they are not using mind and mood altering substances they are fooling theirselves (I guess that their denial). The bottom line is do what you need to do for you. Its all about you— are you happy? Are you able to live in a way that you can be Proud of? There are terrible problems with 12 step programs and this is one of them. Sorry to ramble….LV

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry I didn’t reply sooner! I didn’t know you had commented! Thank you do much for your input. I look at Suboxone as a medication, such as medications for cholesterol or diabetes. Most of the time you take those medications just until you get the disease under control yourself. Or maybe like nicotine patches, gum, lozenges, etc. It’s not meant to be forever. Just until you have the skills to cope with whatever it is that you’re running from or whatever the problem is. Thanks again for your input. It is very valued, and my sober date is September 21st, 2015 😆

      Like

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