Week Four, Day Six

I can hold the sun up with one finger! This was a fun night. Taken in Prosser, Washington.

One more day and it would’ve been five weeks since I took any oxy’s. I’m a little confused. I decided to go down to Ideal Options, a local Suboxone and outpatient treatment center. If you click on Ideal Options, it should take you to their website. They’re so nice there. They want to change people’s lives. The picture above is when I was still using oxy’s and smoking weed. I have also quit smoking weed. The treatment center is an abstinence only clinic.

I know there’s a lot of debate over if you should go from opiates to Suboxone, which is also an opiate. I’m going to give you some information about Suboxone that I received from my doctor yesterday.

It’s a longer lasting medication that consists of 8mg buprenophine and 2mg of naloxone. A benefit of it being a longer acting medication means you only have to take your prescribed amount once a day. They are little orange film strips that you let dissolve under your tongue, one strip at a time. It is disgusting. I might wean myself a little sooner than later just because of the taste.

Buprenophine is an opiate that binds with receptors in your brain. The naloxone is a medication that will kick the buprenophine  and any other opiate off the receptors and then bind to them itself, IF the Suboxone is injected. I’m not sure if you do other opiates if the same thing happens. Click HERE for more information about Suboxone.

One of the requirements of getting on the Suboxone program is that you have to start therapy sessions before you can be prescribed the medication. I had a chemical dependency assessment on Monday, group on Tuesday, and the Dr. on Thursday. Usually I would have group on Tuesdays and Thursday, see the Dr. on Thursday, and see my therapist on Friday. I’m so busy with all of these appointments that I really can’t get a job. I saw one job for US Cellular, and I want it! It’s full time but they also put that if you need to be part time first then that’s fine. I really want it.

Now on to the day I was in withdrawals. That would have been Thursday. I acquired some 10mg oxy’s because I thought it would put me into withdrawals, and you have to be moderately in withdrawals to start Suboxone, otherwise it throws you into full fledged withdrawals.

One thing I’ve learned is that there is no reason to be early. They are a very busy clinic, only having two doctor days, and group is supposed to start at 10 but doesn’t start until 10:30am. My first group was nice. There were only four of us which was nice because I was nervous. I had to introduce myself and my drugs. I did a lot of listening to the other women. Two of them were struggling with heroin use and meth. They did meth because they wanted to feel something and knew they couldn’t do heroin. I felt bad for them. I’ve never done meth but I do know how they feel about the heroin. I’ve never actually done heroin, but when you do the amount of pills I was doing, and mixing with Benzos, it’s pretty much the same thing. I didn’t abuse my Klonopin.

Next was doctor day. I was nervous so I scored a little higher than I should have on the COWS assessment. With as many as the oxy’s I was taking, they decided to put me on two strips a day and possibly move up to three.COWS_induction_flow_sheet (If you were wondering what this consists of, here ya go!)

When I got home, I followed the instructions they sent home with me. I started with one and then in an hour I took another one. Let’s just say it knocked me on my ass. I slept the rest of that day and the next day.  I woke up on Friday and was in the best mood! I didn’t get tired, if anything I had more energy than normal. I did some painting which I hadn’t done for quite a while. It felt good. I was also able to concentrate really well. Not bad enough that I was over focusing though. I didn’t feel high. I just felt good. Happy. Not depressed!

Around 5:00pm that night I started to feel restless and not very good again. I decided to try a half of one film strip. That did the job. You are not supposed to take them at different times of the day because that reinforces drug abusing behavior. So this morning I took 2 1/2 and I’ve felt good all day, even with no sleep last night. It did keep me up and I’m supposed to be getting off of the Klonopin, so I don’t know what I’m going to do to get to sleep now. I’ll figure something out, and maybe I’ll even find a really good online support group that will help me.

I am weird, but you still love me! This is four week clean Mary.

Now, is it week four, day six, or is it three days? I like the four weeks better, but I guess I did “relapse.” I feel so much better. I don’t feel like my head is in the clouds anymore. I feel like I want to get up, shower, write, paint, anything! I just love this feeling! It’s not even a high. It’s just at ease and at peace with myself. I don’t feel like I have to stuff my feelings. If I don’t like something you will now know. And if I do like something I’ll be sure to tell ya.

Well, 963 words later, I think I’m going to smoke a cigarette and read up on some of my recovery books that I downloaded on the Kindle app. There are quite a few addiction ebooks that are free right now. Maybe I’ll do a book review of one. I haven’t done that in a long time.

Have a nice night, and thanks for reading about this big journey I’m going through!

SOBER MARY!