After much debating in my already tangled head, I have come to the conclusion that I’m going to start a blog about mental health, as I am a survivor and advocate. It’s not a hush hush issue anymore! Not with me around! So I’m going to do some research, and get this all organized in my brain. This is a hard thing for me to do as my brain is just a big jumbled mess right now.
One thing that I think is fair to tell you is my diagnose(s). I am Bi-Polar 1, Anorexic, Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, PTSD, and I believe that’s it 🙂 I’ll let ya know if I come up with anymore diagnoses once I see the doctor. I haven’t been in treatment since about December 2013. I have decided, with some much needed butt kicking, that I’m going to go back into therapy and get the help that I need. When I was in therapy before, from 2009 until 2013, we never really dealt with the deep down rooted problems that I have. It was all about an abusive relationship. Well, to tell ya the truth, as long as you don’t yell or throw things around me I’m fine. What I really need to deal with is the fact that I was violated by people whom were very close to me. As of now, I do not believe that I was born Bi-Polar. I have always had depression, and when I was feeling good I would do stupid, irresponsible things, but I don’t think the true Bi-Polar came out until after I was exposed to an abusive relationship. This may not be the case as I learn more about all of my diseases and get back into therapy for the real reasons.
All I want out of life is to feel as happy as I did in 2003 to 2007. I miss those days. I miss working. My problem with working right now is that I am not reliable enough. I never know when a depression is going to hit, or a manic episode is going to hit and I don’t make it to work because I’m out doing something irresponsible. All of my responsibilities have gone out the window. Is it because I have an enabler? Someone who doesn’t push me to get a job. Doesn’t say, “Get a job, or get out!” I don’t know what it is, and what I am hoping is that this journey will help me figure out these things, and also help others with mental health disorders realize that they aren’t alone. Nobody’s disease is worse than yours. It’s not a competition. For some God awful reason we were given these disorders to help others. Let’s do it.